A Descriptive Winner

In my year-long writing course at Dreaming Spires Home Learning, we held a contest to see who wrote the best descriptive piece based on the topic of going on safari.

Here is our winner's response: strong in atmosphere but lacking just that bit of consistency for top marks.

"The safari truck trundles along the dirt road, the soft hum of the engine the only sign of civilisation. The dirt road that it travels is smooth and worn from many long years of use. Around the open-backed vehicle, the long, waving fronds of grass roll past like tiny waves in the wind, flowing like a stream. The jeep seems to be floating, sailing along the yellow-green sea. Trees stand out against the sky, a fishbowl of brightest blue above our heads. The sun shines down on us, and a drowsy heat sets in. The whole world, rippling like the grass below us, seems to be slowly drifting beneath the far away sky.

Animals move in the distance, blurred shapes in the heat. The tall neck of a giraffe can be seen, half hidden behind a tree. It chomps rhythmically on the leaves. In the near silence, the cry of a coucal’s cry, perched in the branches of a distant tree, sounds like water trickling down into a glass, almost like a lullaby.

Our truck is almost deserted, a few spread-out people lounging against the sides. No one wants to break the silence, lulled into a half-dream by the baking sun. A man on the left snoozes, his chest rising and falling as his head almost hangs over the side. The others watch the animals in the distance, gazing out into the heat. The tour guide does not break the stillness either - the loudspeaker connecting him and us is silent, with no facts or stories to break the monotony. And still we trundle along in the sun, the dust clouding in the road behind us like a lazy swarm of flies."